


The Angel and Mr. Spock

by jujubiest



Series: SPN One-Shots [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Supernatural
Genre: Conversations, Crossover, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujubiest/pseuds/jujubiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's dark out, and quiet in. There's peace here, this in-between moment when heroes rest and dress wounds, recuperate from yesterday's battles and gird themselves for tomorrow's. In all that silence, two taciturn men find themselves sitting on the sidelines and observing their companions. They strike up a conversation.</p><p>But what can a thrice-fallen angel and the last of the Vulcans find to talk about?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Angel and Mr. Spock

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for both fandoms are possible.

Do you pity me for my plight, Mr. Spock?

It’s hard to say, Castiel. Do you envy me for mine?

....

No. I truly do not.

Really. I would have thought…

Feeling nothing has never made my life any simpler.

Hasn’t it?

All of my important choices affect people that I have to feel things for.

I understand.

Do you?

* * *

 

You’re half human. What is the first thing you ever remember feeling?

…frustration. Intense frustration.

Given your friendship with the Captain, I’m not surprised.

The Captain is often a source of frustration for me, but he is not the only source, nor was he the first. I am not even certain he supplies the same kind of frustration. This confuses me. The Captain confuses me. I often do not understand the way his mind works. He is convinced that I choose not to, but…I truly do not grasp it. How can one continue to function when they feel far more than they think?’

Most people manage to do both at the same time.

Yes, but…how? Is it not as though they are constantly at war within themselves? Do I think, or do I feel? How can one not interfere with the full capacity of the other?

How indeed.

* * *

 

I was not instructed in the regulation of emotion or in the balance of emotion versus reason. I was brought up to be ashamed of my capacity for emotion. I was taught to suppress it completely.

Well, there’s at least one thing the two of us have in common.

Do you mean among the angels? Odd. How flawed is human folklore concerning your kind? I was under the impression that your primary directive was to love.

Our primary directive was to _obey._ Angels don’t love. They don’t know how.

You do.

I have not been an angel for quite some time, Mr. Spock.

But you did learn to love while you were still an angel, did you not?

….

Castiel?

* * *

 

Yes.

Am I meant to understand that as an answer to something in particular?

Yes, I learned to love as an angel. That…he…it was the first thing I ever felt.

For him?

For God. For my brothers and sisters. For God’s other children. All his creations. I loved them more than I should have, because I was flawed. Then lo and behold, they send the broken angel to touch the soul of a Righteous Man.

….

Of course I was going to fall! It’s as though someone set me up to fail. Why send _me,_ of all the angels, when any one of the others could have touched him and come away unscathed? When any of them could have done their duty, without feeling a thing?

Do you truly believe that?

….

No. I really don’t.

Am I to understand that you would wish the pain you feel on a brother or sister?

Spock…if there’s one thing you should learn about Winchesters right out of the gate, it’s that we’re not a magnanimous bunch. We’re…loyal to one another. We forgive each other many trespasses. We have to. But we never really forget. Sooner or later someone gets angry, and then every stupid thing we’ve done since the beginning of _time_ is fair game. And since I’ve actually been around nearly that long…

I fail to understand how that answers my question.

Logic doesn’t do much to help you connect the dots, does it. _Yes._ I wish every one of the other angels could feel what I feel. And I don’t. I wish they’d felt the burn of Dean’s soul, yet I’m glad I’m the only one who ever has. I wish they could see what I see when I look at him, but I would gouge out the eyes of the first one who claimed they could. I both do and do not, and none of my reasons are pure save one: if they could see what it is that I see, maybe it would all be different. Maybe it would have turned out better.

Perhaps it would not have turned out better. If even the smallest change is made, any number of other variables may come into play that will significantly alter the final outcome of a given timeline. And…from a less logical perspective, if I may?

Might as well.

Perhaps you would save the world, but no longer have Dean.

No. Nothing would change that.

Nothing? I find that improbable.

Nothing. Not if every angel in the universe fell to their knees before him, not if God himself broke his silence to speak against us. Dean and I…it was always going to be the two of us, at the end. Even if I didn’t always know it, and even if he still won’t admit it half the time. That is the one thing that was never going to change.

You seem certain of that.

As certain as I am of anything in this godforsaken universe.

….

 _That_ is something I envy.

* * *

 

Castiel…do you recall what it was like to have no emotions?

Yes. No. I think…sometimes. If I try, I can remember.

Do you ever miss it?

If you had asked me that question a few years ago, I would’ve said yes, absolutely.

And now?

Now…sometimes.

When it hurts?

When it hurts. Or when it feels too good…so good that I become afraid it will end soon.

I think I understand.

Do you?

Yes. Although I also miss the clarity of unencumbered thought. I also miss the safety of not caring. Nothing hurts. There’s no fear.

That’s what we tell ourselves, anyway.

* * *

 

Since we’re sharing, what about you?

I do not understand.

You feel things, right? You try like hell not to, but you do feel them.

Yes. I…feel things. I was under the impression that this was common knowledge.

Among your crew, maybe. I’m pretty sure Dean thinks you’re Captain Kirk’s pet robot.

Dean Winchester is a study in absurdity. He experiences enough emotions in a day for a small army of his species. Being around him is…quelling.

You’re not wrong. But all that emotion is necessary. It’s what makes him strong.

He and Captain Kirk are very alike in some respects.

They both have pet robots, for one thing.

Do you believe that is how Dean regards you?

I don’t think Dean is ever sure _how_ to “regard” me, as you put it.

Captain Kirk regards me as though I am like him. He is so frustrated when I do not react in the way he would expect from a fellow human being. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he seems to immediately forget that I am also Vulcan the moment it is not the direct topic of conversation.

I used to have to constantly remind Dean that I was an angel. I had to remind myself as well. He...had a curious habit of making it so easy to forget. What...is that a smile?

Perhaps. Captain Kirk...I do not fully understand all of the things he makes me feel. Confusion, mainly, but also...many positive emotions. I value his friendship more than I can fully express, and this often causes me to act in ways that are not logical. Sometimes I think he is poisoning my mind slowly with his humanity.

Careful, Spock. You're getting poetic.

Yes. That is another puzzling phenomenon for which Captain Kirk is responsible.

My advice? Save the poetry for Captain Kirk instead of me.

I do not think—

They’re human, Spock. Fully human and always human. They don’t follow the evidence through to its logical conclusion and let the matter rest as fact. They don’t know things as universal certainties. Occasionally, they need to be reminded of the truth, though it’s right in front of them.

Do you remind Dean of the things you feel for him?

Frequently.

It helps, does it not, that all of Dean Winchester's actions directly contradict his silence on the matter?

Yes. It helps.

* * *

 

Castiel?

Mr. Spock?

Is it possible for a robot to love a human?

You already know the answer to that.

Can the humans truly love them back? Can they look past the differences indefinitely? Will they not eventually tire of a being who can never reflect their sentiment the way another human would?

Spock. You and Kirk found each other in not one, but two timelines. And Dean and I fought Heaven, hell, Purgatory, Fate, and Death himself to be together. We have sacrificed for them, and they for us. We've died for them, and they for us. And no matter how many forces in the universe tell us it shouldn’t be, we continue to fight our way back to them, while they continue to fight and wait for us. Don't ask stupid questions.

I apologize.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why this happened. It just did. I feel fairly comfortable writing Castiel's voice--although bear in mind, this is a Castiel that has been human for a while, and spent most of that time around Dean and Sam, so his speech patterns aren't quite what we see in the show. I have never written Spock before, though, and I've never written anything else related to Star Trek, period. So if Spock's voice is off or he's entirely out of character, I apologize!


End file.
